A friend told me about an individual she knew who was very excited to get a terminal diagnosis. The person who was ill went about saying, "Did you hear the good news!? I'm dying!!" Not very many of us reach that level of acceptance, but she did (and when she died some time later, it was a well-planned, peaceful death).
For decades I've been urging people to plan their deaths: do the Advance Directive, finish your will, find the person you trust most to be your Medical Power of Attorney and other activities to assure you'll have the death you want.
What I didn't discuss, and am now in the middle of discovering, is how difficult it can be to talk to healthcare professionals when you are NOT afraid of dying.
A wonderfully funny, vibrant 85-year old woman I know told me that her doctors tried to put her on Prozac when she told them that she had quit taking all those prescriptions that were "keeping her alive" in their eyes. In her eyes, she feels good some days and crappy some days and can still do everything she wants to do. Plus, she says with gusto, "I'm 85...how much longer do I want to be here anyway?" Trust me, this dynamic person does not need antidepressants.
Nor do I. A recent diagnosis (as yet indeterminate) has one of my doctors telling me how many other docs I'm going to have to see and what my prognosis may be and what other multitude of diagnostic procedures I need to undergo. And though I'm on Social Security and work for extras (like groceries and other fun things!), she disregarded my question about copays. It has come to my attention that doctors and Big Pharma both like to say things like, "How much is your life worth?" as a way to scare you into doing whatever bit of modern medicine "healthcare" they want you to have. Afraid to let one test go undone because you might sue them. A sad commentary. Another bit of research shows that a woman needs to have saved up more than $131,000 for her part of healthcare expenses post retirement.
I see an advertisement for a cure for Hepatitis C (on TV) and though I don't have that disease, I know people who do. I have heard from reliable sources that each treatment costs $58,000 or thereabouts (I admit, I haven't done further research. Let's just say it's exorbitant!) And your doc, or your pharmacist may, in fact ask you, "How much is your life worth?"
Well, here's the answer...it's not worth $58,000 per treatment. Just not. Shouldn't cost that much anyway and most assuredly not worth that if it causes me further stress or leaves me homeless. Not worth $131,000 over the next 15 years, either. My life is about how today is going, and today is a great day! (And if I had $58K extra, I'd be giving it to people who need food or shelter anyway).
One of these days I'm going to feel bad and fail to rebound from some disease or another and I will die. So will you. Let's just live every day to the best of our ability and maybe we'll find ourselves - like my aforementioned friend - at age 85 doing whatever we please and laughing at the scare tactics others endure.
Or maybe we'll not make it anywhere near 85, but we will live each day to the fullest (and take as many naps and soaks in the hot tub as we want). We'll tell our family and friends that we love them and get our affairs in order so that if we get hit by a bus, or get a diagnosis that might possibly become a problem (but the docs want to spend thousands and thousands of your dollars treating) ...we'll be ready to go.
In my last blog I wrote that to me "Death is Always a Viable Option"...in this one I want to say, "One of the benefits of having cancer is death." I can already hear the gasps and the docs reaching for their pens to write an RX for Prozac!
I don't plan to die any time soon, but I live each day as if I may.
Do you? Are your affairs in order? I plan to be writing this blog when I'm a feisty 85-year-old like my friend, still snubbing my nose at most of what modern medicine has to offer. But if I'm gone by then (even long gone), please know that I'm happy and looking forward to whatever else comes once I leave this life.
And maybe, just maybe, I will die with $1 still in my pocket! I would sincerely like it to come out even!
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