People who don't see death
as an option worry more than I do...and about things that don't concern me.
For example, my brother sent me an email about how ignorant
young people are.
People...especially older
people...have had these exact same complaints about younger generations since
the beginning of recorded time. Here’s what Socrates had to say about those
irritating younger folks:
"Our youth now love luxury. They have bad
manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love
chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room;
they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and
tyrannize their teachers.”
At my advanced age (OK, so
I still look pretty good, but just turned 65 and my bones know it!) I look at it like this...it's
not my world anymore. It's theirs. I'll happily hand it over, finish up my
brief run through this life and move on. I'm not qualified at this point to
know how the future will look.
But now the point has arrived when people who could be my grandchildren are thinking differently to such a
vast degree and on subjects I either don't know anything about, or care to learn about
or simply choose to leave in their capable hands, so I know it's their world. I won't be
here to see many of the things upon which they have a profound effect.
I have a close friend who
always worries that these same irritating young people will be the ones taking care of us in our
dotage. Actually, I'm not concerned. I will live as well as I can for as long
as I want to. I'll make them take care of me to my satisfaction or I'll move
on. Not fearing death opens all kinds of doors.
I'm really clear on this. All it took to remind me was a recent
case of the flu. I was ready to go. Everything becomes existential for me.
I think I understand now how I could continually
move from town to town, changing jobs (in my youth). Change or die. Actually my
only two choices for most things, based on my childhood experiences and
subsequent studies of end of life. That's it. That's the difference in me and
others. If it's unpleasant or uncomfortable and significant change isn't readily available (ala, the middle of the flu when death feels so near and/or a welcome relief), opt for death. Default. This "holding all options open" philosophy will, I suspect, make it much easier for death to approach me. And believe me, I don't want to fight it off at all costs as many think they need to do.
And, no, I don’t need psychological counseling or Prozac! It’s just the ability to see the bigger picture. I am not a permanent fixture on this earth. Don’t need to be. Don’t want to be.
And, no, I don’t need psychological counseling or Prozac! It’s just the ability to see the bigger picture. I am not a permanent fixture on this earth. Don’t need to be. Don’t want to be.
Still able to enjoy life, of course. It's a windy evening. I'm listening to my cat’s incessant
meow. He wants me to get up and do something regarding food for him. I don't want to.
I say "no" sharply. He lays down, grumpy. Out of reach for my pats.
I'm cold. I miss my boyfriend.
But I think I'll stay another day.
